Last week our oldest son, Robbie, turned 18 years old. It hit me hard. 18?!? How did this happen? How did we get here so fast? There were many tears shed as I scrolled through his baby scrapbook and photos I have on Snapfish and Shutterfly. As the saying goes, the days are long, but the years are short.
Motherhood is HARD, both physically and mentally. Nothing wears you down more than a toddler on the run 24/7 or a teenager who argues every single point. There is a reason I love to get up early even on the weekends, for 30 mins or so of quiet while I drink my coffee. I love those boys, but boy, sometimes silence is golden! As a Mom, I have questioned most decisions I have made for these kids. That in and of itself is exhausting!
Growing up, my parents always told me not to wish my life away. As Robbie (and Nicholas) were growing up, I would say the same thing. Though, I think I said it more for myself than them. Subconsciously I thought the more I said it, the more time would slow down. Boy, was I kidding myself.
Growing up these days is much different than when I grew up. Kids are always on the go, and my boys were no exception. Robbie played t-ball, soccer, baseball and then found hockey. Just last night, I was thinking of how many days we spent on the ice each year. For six years, from August to April, hockey was our life. There were early, early mornings and late, late nights on the ice. There were times I was in no mood. I would work all day and have to be at an ice rink, 30 mins away, for a 9:00 pm practice. Though I never wished the days away, because I knew how damn fast they would be over.
When Robbie entered high school, four years seems like an eternity. Yet, those four years have gone by faster than any others. Not only did he turn 18 this week, but he also finished up his college applications. He works a part-time job, he is growing a beard (despite his mother’s protests), he drives himself to and from places, and this weekend he is in NOLA to see a football game with my sister. I don’t see him as much as I would like because when he is home, he is hiding out in his room. However, I suppose this is preparing me for what the future holds. This time next year, I will be anxiously waiting for him to come home for winter break. I can only imagine the emotions I will be feeling then.
From the moment he was placed in my arms, he was mine. He was my baby boy. I would love him, protect him, and show him the world. What I didn’t realize until very recently was that he was not mine to keep. Though I would always love him, he was meant to spread his wings and fly. I recently read a blog post over at scarymommy.com. It said, “You know the minute you become a mother that someday, you will have to let that baby go. You know that they are not yours to keep, not forever. If you do your job right, you make yourself obsolete. That’s the goal. That is the point”. I don’t necessarily agree with the obsolete part, but I do understand her point. As parents, we give our kids what they need to go out into the world. We hope what we have taught them is enough. I hope they have the tools to make the best decisions for themselves and their future, for they are not ours to keep.
On September 5, 2019, the school year started much like the prior years. The boys got up, I made them a special breakfast (one of the few times I do make breakfast), and I had them hold up signs telling the world what grade they were attending this year. However, this year was different. This year, I have a senior in high school. It would be the first of many lasts throughout the year. This would be the last “first day of school” photo he would take. It would be the last first day of school photo he takes with his brother. In 235 days, he will cross the football field and receive his diploma. In a year, he may be a few hours away from home enjoying college life. How did this happen?
On December 2, 2001, I held my sweet boy for the first time and thought of this day. I remember thinking, wow, he will graduate in 2020, thirty years from the day I graduated high school. I quickly pushed the thought aside. I mean come on, 2020 is so far away. It will be an eternity before it gets here. Not so much. Here we are 235 days until graduation.
I was lucky, both my boys were great sleepers. I never had those neverending nights that I wished would end. I did not wish away the infant stage. I mourned each stage as it ended. Yes, even the stage when my kid was a total jerk! He had his moments. Never mind the terrible twos, we had the f***ing fours! Even then, I never wished the days away. Now here we are, 235 days until graduation.
Robbie is our first, and the only one for almost four years. On October 19, 2005, he became a big brother to Nicholas. I want to say it was love at first sight, but this picture says otherwise.
Robbie enjoyed being the big brother. He had someone to share his childhood with and someone to boss around. There was a time where the boys did nothing but fight. It was terrible. However, now, I can say they are each other’s best friend. They share the same love and passion for sports. Nicholas looks up to his big brother, and Robbie thinks Nicholas is the smartest person he knows. The boys spend a lot of their free time together. Nicholas misses Robbie when he is away. It will be an adjustment for both of them. They have never been apart for more than a week at a time. My heart aches for them. Sigh…235 days until graduation.
Over the years, we have taken the boys on lots of vacations. I intended to show them as much of the world as I could before they left for school. There have been multiple trips to Cape Cod, New York, North Carolina, Washington, DC, Walt Disney World, Aruba, Disney cruises, Canada, Alaska, Europe, and more. When I look to the future, I see trips that include only three of us, not four of us like that past 14 years. We have less than a year to squeeze in as many family vacations as we can before other priorities take hold of our boy. He has only 235 days until graduation.
I look at my son, and I can’t help to think of my Mom. She adored this boy and thought he could do no wrong. They had an extremely close relationship. When she passed away five years ago, he was devastated. She was his biggest champion. She was to help guide him through these teen years. There was a time I was so afraid he would not get past her death. Well, he did, and I believe it is because she has been with him the whole time. In 235 days, she will be right by his side as he receives his diploma. In 235 days, I will whisper, “He did it, Mom.”
We are now in our second full month of school. We have a few more college visits planned. Robbie has retaken the SAT and started the application process. I thought I was doing okay. Then last Saturday night I received an e-mail with his senior photos. Once again, I was reminded 235 days until graduation.
#DONTBLINK
By now, I am sure you all have heard about the college admissions scandal being blasted across the news. Fifty some odd people, including two famous actresses, have been accused of handing out bribes to get their children into college. Well some say, including me, what else is new? This has been going forever. Ever wonder how the majority of children of famous people end up at really good schools? Coincidence? I think not. In any case, I am not writing today to bash wealthy celebrities. I am writing to talk about what the heck are we doing to our kids?
I am a mom of a 17 year old junior in high school. From the time he entered high school, heck even before that, there has been all sorts of talk about what he needs to do because it looks good on college applications. There is pressure for kids to be in honors/AP classes, play a sport every season, volunteer, join a club, get a job and the list goes on and on. The kids put the pressure on themselves, but as parents we seem to do a pretty good job of doing too. Heck, I am guilty of it. The first two years of his high school career was a lot of me telling him what do to. Not just guiding him, but tell him to do A, B & C. I was not letting him figure it out on his own. I was not letting him fall and make his own mistakes. I was doing him a disservice and driving us both crazy in the process! You can read more about what we struggled with here. https://lifeatmyownpace.com/lessons-in-motherhood/
It is no wonder these kids are being diagnosed with anxiety. It is no wonder these kids have such issues problem solving. As parents, we are there every step of the way holding their hand, not letting them fail. If we want to raise self sufficient, productive members of society we need to stop. We need to stop pushing them into doing things they don’t want to do and stop preventing them from failing. It is so much easier said than done. Believe me, I understand. However, in the long run, this is what is best for our kids. I am sure going to try my hardest, are you?
In less than a month’s time, the boys and I are headed down to Disney World for 10 days. It is winter break for the boys and Princess Weekend for me. The Princess Half Marathon was my first RunDisney event back in 2015. Since then I have ran Princess 3 times, Wine and Dine 3 times, Marathon weekend once and in April, I will be running the Star Wars races. Nothing compares to a Disney race. The entertainment on the courses is fantastic, the crowd support is amazing and I get to run down Main Street in the Magic Kingdom. It does not get more magical than that.
This year, as I mentioned, Robbie and Nicholas are coming with me. We are making a vacation out of it. At first, it was only Nicholas, but then Robbie decided to tag along. Both kids have been very blessed, in that Disney is a place they both have been to many, many times. Each trip is different and fun in its own way. With Robbie approaching the end of high school, I don’t know how many more of these trips he will take with us. With that being said, I have thrown in a few “extras” this trip, to really help make it a trip to remember. I booked a couple of the dessert parties, Early Morning Magic at Toy Story Land and After Hours at Animal Kingdom. Plus, we have lots of fun dining and plenty of days in the parks.
As I was planning this trip, it got me thinking. As we watch our children grow up, we always think about the “first time” they do something. We capture their first steps, first word, first trip to Disney, etc., but do we think about or capture the “lasts”. For example, when was the last time they held your hand crossing the street or the last time you went away as a family before their got too busy living their own lives. So my goal for this trip, as it was for our trip last summer to Europe, is to take it all in. Be present in the moment and enjoy these two special boys. I am blessed to be their Mom and I want to hold on to these days, their childhood, for as long as I can.
Now that Nicholas Joseph is 13, we have all teenagers in the house. BTW, found this pic, wasn’t he just adorable??
Though it has been a couple of months, I thought I would share some thoughts on my baby turning 13. We have been down this path before. Our oldest, is 17 and almost done with his teen years. When Robbie turned 13, I thought I knew what to expect. Well, there are the expectations and then there are the realities.
Expectation – I have boys, so the teen years will be easier.
Reality- NO WAY! We still worry about the same things. Am I doing right by them? Am I screwing them up? Are they being tempted by drugs and alcohol? Will they kill themselves behind the wheel of a car? You get the point.
Expectation- Teenage boys are less moody than teenage girls.
Reality- Wrong again! I found my son to be as moody as I was as a teen and I expect nothing less from his brother. There are times I walk on eggshells because I just don’t know what mood he will be in when he wakes up or gets home from school.
Expectation- Buying clothes for boys is easier. Just purchase some jeans, shirts and sweatshirts, right?
Reality- My oldest is the world’s pickiest dresser. He will wear only crewneck shirts. No V-neck, no mock turtleneck, no half zip shirts, no jeans, etc. Taking him clothes shopping is painful. It is hardly a pleasant experience. Nicholas has not reached that point yet, thank goodness.
Expectation- They will reach a point where they will not want to hang with you.
Reality- I feel blessed in that both my boys still want to go places (for the most part) with me.
Expectation- They will eat me out of house and home.
Reality- They eat me out of house and home. :)These are just a few things I could think of off the top of my head, I am sure there are many more, but you get the point. Now, this could all change with number 2. Nicholas may be totally different. I have 5 whole years to figure it out
Welcome to the teen years baby boy. Momma loves you to infinity and beyond!
Guess where I was the Friday before Christmas? At a Geography Bee of course!! Nicholas earned one of 9 spots to compete in his school’s Geography Bee. The winner has the opportunity to compete at the state level.
It was an exciting competition. Each participant was allowed one incorrect answer. It came down to the final 3. Nicholas and a young lady were left to battle it out for a spot to compete against the other remaining contestant. The third contestant had not answered a question incorrectly, so he was automatically entered into the championship round. Nicholas and the young lady went back and forth, each answering correctly. Finally, she answered one wrong and it was off to the championship round. The first one to answer the best out of 3 wins and Nicholas did it! It was so exciting. Next up, taking the pre test to see if he qualifies for the state Geography Bee. Look how happy he looks.
It was a great way to end the year and start the Christmas break.
17 years ago today I became a Mama for the very first time. At 10:09 am, this 8lb 14 ounce, 21.5 inches long baby boy stole my heart. He was everything I had hoped and prayed for. He was perfect in every way.
It was not an easy entrance. My water broke at 5:30am on December 1st and he arrived via c-section on December 2nd. It was rough, but one look into his eyes and I melted.
It has been a busy few months for my boy. He passed his driver’s test and started his first job at a local hardware store. He has grown into a kind and funny young man. He has a passion for sports and, with this brother, could have their own sports talk show. Each and every day he makes me proud to be his Mom. I am excited (and anxious!) to see what the next couple of years will bring. Happy Birthday Robbie Rob. Mama loves you to Infinite and Beyond!
