Last week our oldest son, Robbie, turned 18 years old. It hit me hard. 18?!? How did this happen? How did we get here so fast? There were many tears shed as I scrolled through his baby scrapbook and photos I have on Snapfish and Shutterfly. As the saying goes, the days are long, but the years are short.
Motherhood is HARD, both physically and mentally. Nothing wears you down more than a toddler on the run 24/7 or a teenager who argues every single point. There is a reason I love to get up early even on the weekends, for 30 mins or so of quiet while I drink my coffee. I love those boys, but boy, sometimes silence is golden! As a Mom, I have questioned most decisions I have made for these kids. That in and of itself is exhausting!
Growing up, my parents always told me not to wish my life away. As Robbie (and Nicholas) were growing up, I would say the same thing. Though, I think I said it more for myself than them. Subconsciously I thought the more I said it, the more time would slow down. Boy, was I kidding myself.
Growing up these days is much different than when I grew up. Kids are always on the go, and my boys were no exception. Robbie played t-ball, soccer, baseball and then found hockey. Just last night, I was thinking of how many days we spent on the ice each year. For six years, from August to April, hockey was our life. There were early, early mornings and late, late nights on the ice. There were times I was in no mood. I would work all day and have to be at an ice rink, 30 mins away, for a 9:00 pm practice. Though I never wished the days away, because I knew how damn fast they would be over.
When Robbie entered high school, four years seems like an eternity. Yet, those four years have gone by faster than any others. Not only did he turn 18 this week, but he also finished up his college applications. He works a part-time job, he is growing a beard (despite his mother’s protests), he drives himself to and from places, and this weekend he is in NOLA to see a football game with my sister. I don’t see him as much as I would like because when he is home, he is hiding out in his room. However, I suppose this is preparing me for what the future holds. This time next year, I will be anxiously waiting for him to come home for winter break. I can only imagine the emotions I will be feeling then.
From the moment he was placed in my arms, he was mine. He was my baby boy. I would love him, protect him, and show him the world. What I didn’t realize until very recently was that he was not mine to keep. Though I would always love him, he was meant to spread his wings and fly. I recently read a blog post over at scarymommy.com. It said, “You know the minute you become a mother that someday, you will have to let that baby go. You know that they are not yours to keep, not forever. If you do your job right, you make yourself obsolete. That’s the goal. That is the point”. I don’t necessarily agree with the obsolete part, but I do understand her point. As parents, we give our kids what they need to go out into the world. We hope what we have taught them is enough. I hope they have the tools to make the best decisions for themselves and their future, for they are not ours to keep.
My Mom was a great Mom. She unselfishly gave all she had to her family. She never wanted to appear that she was a bother. Unfortunately, that may have been one of the reasons she hid her and ignored her symptoms for so long. Growing up, I don’t recall a time when she wasn’t there. When we were little she worked nights and we hung with Dad. Then she stopped working for a while to take care of us. When my baby sister went off to school, she worked part time to make a little extra money for herself. However, we were always her priority. She taught and raised us to be strong, independent women. We each took a different path than she did, but she instilled in us what was truly important in this life, family.
Then along came grandkids. As if she did not shine enough as a Mom, she sparkled as a Grammy. She was born for this role. When I was pregnant with Robbie, I had been researching daycares. I was planning to go back to work and was spending my time researching a good fit for my baby. Well, that boy wasn’t even 12 hours old and she marched into that hospital room and said “No grandchild of mine is going to daycare.” Ohhh.. okay then, Mom. She was not one you really wanted to argue with over certain things. At that moment, there grew a bond between her and her grandkids that will never be broken, even in death.
Robbie was her first. The moon and stars revolved around this child. He could do no wrong in her eyes. He adored her. For the first year of his life, she watched him 4 days a week. A year later, I started a new job and he went to “school” for a couple of days. She didn’t like that. LOL! Nicholas made his appearance 3.5 half years later. Again, she was willing to take him on, as she did Robbie. To help ease the work and because he really needed it socially, Robbie went off to pre-school and pre-k. Neither Robbie or my Mom was overjoyed at that. Both felt they were being ripped apart from each other. They got over it though. Well.. maybe… 🙂
I will be forever grateful for the bond my boys shared with my Mom. I will be forever grateful I had the honor to call her Mom.
Now that Nicholas Joseph is 13, we have all teenagers in the house. BTW, found this pic, wasn’t he just adorable??
Though it has been a couple of months, I thought I would share some thoughts on my baby turning 13. We have been down this path before. Our oldest, is 17 and almost done with his teen years. When Robbie turned 13, I thought I knew what to expect. Well, there are the expectations and then there are the realities.
Expectation – I have boys, so the teen years will be easier.
Reality- NO WAY! We still worry about the same things. Am I doing right by them? Am I screwing them up? Are they being tempted by drugs and alcohol? Will they kill themselves behind the wheel of a car? You get the point.
Expectation- Teenage boys are less moody than teenage girls.
Reality- Wrong again! I found my son to be as moody as I was as a teen and I expect nothing less from his brother. There are times I walk on eggshells because I just don’t know what mood he will be in when he wakes up or gets home from school.
Expectation- Buying clothes for boys is easier. Just purchase some jeans, shirts and sweatshirts, right?
Reality- My oldest is the world’s pickiest dresser. He will wear only crewneck shirts. No V-neck, no mock turtleneck, no half zip shirts, no jeans, etc. Taking him clothes shopping is painful. It is hardly a pleasant experience. Nicholas has not reached that point yet, thank goodness.
Expectation- They will reach a point where they will not want to hang with you.
Reality- I feel blessed in that both my boys still want to go places (for the most part) with me.
Expectation- They will eat me out of house and home.
Reality- They eat me out of house and home. :)These are just a few things I could think of off the top of my head, I am sure there are many more, but you get the point. Now, this could all change with number 2. Nicholas may be totally different. I have 5 whole years to figure it out
Welcome to the teen years baby boy. Momma loves you to infinity and beyond!
