They Are Not Ours to Keep
Last week our oldest son, Robbie, turned 18 years old. It hit me hard. 18?!? How did this happen? How did we get here so fast? There were many tears shed as I scrolled through his baby scrapbook and photos I have on Snapfish and Shutterfly. As the saying goes, the days are long, but the years are short.
Motherhood is HARD, both physically and mentally. Nothing wears you down more than a toddler on the run 24/7 or a teenager who argues every single point. There is a reason I love to get up early even on the weekends, for 30 mins or so of quiet while I drink my coffee. I love those boys, but boy, sometimes silence is golden! As a Mom, I have questioned most decisions I have made for these kids. That in and of itself is exhausting!
Growing up, my parents always told me not to wish my life away. As Robbie (and Nicholas) were growing up, I would say the same thing. Though, I think I said it more for myself than them. Subconsciously I thought the more I said it, the more time would slow down. Boy, was I kidding myself.
Growing up these days is much different than when I grew up. Kids are always on the go, and my boys were no exception. Robbie played t-ball, soccer, baseball and then found hockey. Just last night, I was thinking of how many days we spent on the ice each year. For six years, from August to April, hockey was our life. There were early, early mornings and late, late nights on the ice. There were times I was in no mood. I would work all day and have to be at an ice rink, 30 mins away, for a 9:00 pm practice. Though I never wished the days away, because I knew how damn fast they would be over.
When Robbie entered high school, four years seems like an eternity. Yet, those four years have gone by faster than any others. Not only did he turn 18 this week, but he also finished up his college applications. He works a part-time job, he is growing a beard (despite his mother’s protests), he drives himself to and from places, and this weekend he is in NOLA to see a football game with my sister. I don’t see him as much as I would like because when he is home, he is hiding out in his room. However, I suppose this is preparing me for what the future holds. This time next year, I will be anxiously waiting for him to come home for winter break. I can only imagine the emotions I will be feeling then.
From the moment he was placed in my arms, he was mine. He was my baby boy. I would love him, protect him, and show him the world. What I didn’t realize until very recently was that he was not mine to keep. Though I would always love him, he was meant to spread his wings and fly. I recently read a blog post over at scarymommy.com. It said, “You know the minute you become a mother that someday, you will have to let that baby go. You know that they are not yours to keep, not forever. If you do your job right, you make yourself obsolete. That’s the goal. That is the point”. I don’t necessarily agree with the obsolete part, but I do understand her point. As parents, we give our kids what they need to go out into the world. We hope what we have taught them is enough. I hope they have the tools to make the best decisions for themselves and their future, for they are not ours to keep.
About The Author
Heather
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Leave A Comment
Jane | 9th Dec 19
My mom will definitely echo your sentiment here. And you’re right about the kids being not yours to keep. In the end, we have to create our own paths – making sure we make the right choices in life.
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Absolutely!
Brianna | 16th Dec 19
It’s so hard to let go and they grow so fast. You sound like your a great mom. Thank you for this post
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Awww. thank you for your kind words. I try!
Magan | 16th Dec 19
I knew as soon as I read your title that it should come with a tissue warning! Lol. It’s so hard watching them become what we’re preparing them to be. Ugh. Ugly crying. My daughter is in 6th grade this year, and it’s her last year to be a part of a local children’s community choir. As I’m sitting there watching her last Christmas performance with this group, I’m tearing up. Good grief, can you imagine how I’m going to be when she’s graduating?!? Lol. I’m right there with you, Mom!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Awww… well beware.. I will be posting a lot of emotional ones as the year goes on, and he gets closer to leaving me.
Holly | 16th Dec 19
Letting go can be difficult…but after 5 that are all amazing adults..I am proud of them and myself for doing the best I could!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Thanks. Holly. It is tough, but I am excited to see what the future holds for these amazing boys of mine.
Lora Rovegna | 16th Dec 19
Kids grow up way too fast. There never seems to be enough time. You are so right that you have to teach them to be independent so they are ready to go out in the world when the time comes. Sounds like you have done just that with your children.
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Thank you so much. Time goes by much too quickly.
Cynthia Keene | 16th Dec 19
What a precious post. I found myself tearing up. I agree with the saying the days are long (sometimes super long 🙂 but the years are short. Thank you for sharing!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Aww.. thank you so much for your kind words and stopping by.
jen | 16th Dec 19
Well put. I have a 21 year old and a 10 year old… every day is a gift and it’s hard to let them go out on their own when you know what’s in store… A mama’s heart is strong though and I’m sure you gave him all the right tools!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Thank you 🙂
Lisa Manderino | 16th Dec 19
Okay you just made me cry, I don’t want my kids to grow up so fast, and I know it will happen!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
It happens much too fast. I just want it to slow down!
Jen | 16th Dec 19
So so true. Bittersweet reality we all come to terms with as our children grow.
Heather | 17th Dec 19
It sure is bittersweet.
Charlene | 16th Dec 19
They definitely grow up so fast. What a happy/sad time!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
That is a great way to describe it happy and sad.
Noelle Collins | 16th Dec 19
Aw, I have an 11, almost 12 yr old boy, and I can’t believe how fast the past few years have gone! It won’t be long before I’m where you are. We can only do the best we can, and then let them spread their wings and fly!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Yes and I hope it is a smooth flight!
Jill DeMasi | 16th Dec 19
What a special bond you share with your son. How blessed you both are!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Thanks so much.
Tricia Snow | 16th Dec 19
Awww, I love how much you talk about your boys. Boys have the heart of their mother! I bet they are great kids!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Thank you, Tricia. These boys are my heart. I am blessed.
angela | 16th Dec 19
Ah, I am sure this is so true, my kids are little but I know they will blossom and leave someday. They are “ours” for a short time and I am enjoying every minute!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Enjoy every single moment!
Suzan | 17th Dec 19
Although they may leave the nest, they truly never leave you 🙂
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Very true! I look forward to that. 🙂
Beatriz Herrera | 17th Dec 19
Hi! You know I been going through this every year i get sadder though I try not to think about it. My kids are growing yes they are only 7 and 5 but it is just going by so quick. Therefore, For sure they are not ours to keep.
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Time goes much too fast. Enjoy every moment.
Maria Gustafsson | 17th Dec 19
Moms are never obsolete!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Best. Comment. Thank you Maria!
Katherine Wolfe | 17th Dec 19
What a beautiful post! Our one and only child turned 13 last week and it hit me hard….only five years left with him as “ours” and then….eeks!
Heather | 17th Dec 19
Hold on tight, Momma! It is an emotional roller coaster.
Malia | 17th Dec 19
I echo all the other sentiments on this post. Tissues required. My babies are in 7th and 4th grade, and they have both been sick since Friday, one with a fever of over 103. Caretaking can be intense in the moment, but I know this too shall pass and someday they’ll be out on their own. Ugh, hugs to you this year as you make the huge transition!
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
Thank you so much. I hope your kiddos are feeling better.
Christina Furnival | 17th Dec 19
Aw, you brought tears to this overwhelmed, toddler-mom’s eyes. It is so true. My oldest is about to turn four, and my youngest, two, and I can’t believe how fast that went. No double time will only continue to speed up.
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
It will and I never believed it could get any faster. However, the high school years are over on 2 seconds.
Kyndall Bennett | 17th Dec 19
My mom when I got out of the military in 2013 – Thank God that’s over with now!
My mom when I graduated college in 2018 – *in tears* Oh my God, my baby has finally grown up!
I’m engaged and getting close to 30, and my mom STILL freaks out about my well-being. I’m starting to think that a mother’s view of her child is forever that of a child. 😅 I might have to stick to just being an auntie for now. I’m not sure if I can handle the ongoing stress of motherly affection.
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
Yes, mothering never, ever ends. They will forever be my babies, whether they like it or not. LOL!
Lisa | 17th Dec 19
Letting go is so hard. When mine visit I don’t want them to leave.
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
I bet! I am sure I will feel the same way.
Lisa | 17th Dec 19
Aw, such an important message. Mine are so small right now, but I can only imagine how difficult it will become as they get older.
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
Motherhood is hard! When they are small, it is physically hard. When they are teens, it is mentally hard. It is just hard!
Lina | 17th Dec 19
Letting go is so hard! I love it when my older ones come by for a visit.
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
Mine better visit a lot! LOL.
Carrie | 17th Dec 19
This is such a sweet post. I have a 23 year old daughter and sons that are 15 and 13. I remind myself everyday to enjoy all the moments because they will be gone before I know it!
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
Thanks so much!
Tracy | 18th Dec 19
My baby just turned 4 years old. This is so sad but so inspiring.
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
Thank you. Hold on tight, it is quite the ride.
Amy Irvin | 19th Dec 19
*Big heart*
Thanks for sharing this! My oldest is six and time has flown, but I can’t imagine him being 18!
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
Don’t!!! It comes soon enough 🙂
Tara | 19th Dec 19
“The days are long but the years are short.” Something that has stuck with me through the last decade of parenting. It does go fast!
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
It seems even the days are becoming short. I just need the next 8 months (before he goes to college) to slow the heck down.
Cindy | 22nd Dec 19
You’ve done a great job of parenting your son! He’s going to do well because you’ve given him a strong foundation. I love having adult children. The closeness stays even as the relationships shift. And grandchildren are amazing!!
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
Thank you for your kind words. Though I am in no hurry, I do hope I have grandchildren on day 🙂
Susan | 22nd Dec 19
Letting go was so hard for me. My only child, I wanted him to grow up to be a man but stay a little boy for me. When he got married, I actually handled it pretty well because I now also have the daughter I always wanted <3.
Heather | 23rd Dec 19
Aww.. that is sweet, I hope my boys find that. I would love to have a “daughter”.
T.M. Brown | 12th Jan 20
I can sympathize 100%. Watching our oldest graduate was one of the proudest and hardest days of my life ~ until we had to drop him off at college, of course. Now, we’re about ready to do the same with our second son. One more and we’ll be entering empty nest. Hugs to you!!!