235 Days

On September 5, 2019,  the school year started much like the prior years.  The boys got up, I made them a special breakfast (one of the few times I do make breakfast), and I had them hold up signs telling the world what grade they were attending this year. However, this year was different.  This year, I have a senior in high school.  It would be the first of many lasts throughout the year. This would be the last “first day of school” photo he would take. It would be the last first day of school photo he takes with his brother. In 235 days, he will cross the football field and receive his diploma.  In a year, he may be a few hours away from home enjoying college life.  How did this happen?

On December 2, 2001, I held my sweet boy for the first time and thought of this day.  I remember thinking, wow, he will graduate in 2020, thirty years from the day I graduated high school. I quickly pushed the thought aside. I mean come on, 2020 is so far away.  It will be an eternity before it gets here.  Not so much. Here we are 235 days until graduation.

I was lucky, both my boys were great sleepers. I never had those neverending nights that I wished would end.  I did not wish away the infant stage.  I mourned each stage as it ended. Yes, even the stage when my kid was a total jerk!  He had his moments.  Never mind the terrible twos, we had the f***ing fours! Even then, I never wished the days away.  Now here we are, 235 days until graduation.

Robbie is our first, and the only one for almost four years.  On October 19, 2005, he became a big brother to Nicholas.  I want to say it was love at first sight, but this picture says otherwise. 

Robbie enjoyed being the big brother. He had someone to share his childhood with and someone to boss around.  There was a time where the boys did nothing but fight.  It was terrible.  However, now, I can say they are each other’s best friend.  They share the same love and passion for sports. Nicholas looks up to his big brother, and Robbie thinks Nicholas is the smartest person he knows.  The boys spend a lot of their free time together.  Nicholas misses Robbie when he is away. It will be an adjustment for both of them. They have never been apart for more than a week at a time. My heart aches for them.  Sigh…235 days until graduation.

Over the years, we have taken the boys on lots of vacations. I intended to show them as much of the world as I could before they left for school. There have been multiple trips to Cape Cod, New York, North Carolina, Washington, DC, Walt Disney World, Aruba, Disney cruises, Canada, Alaska, Europe, and more. When I look to the future, I see trips that include only three of us, not four of us like that past 14 years.  We have less than a year to squeeze in as many family vacations as we can before other priorities take hold of our boy. He has only 235 days until graduation.

I look at my son, and I can’t help to think of my Mom.  She adored this boy and thought he could do no wrong.  They had an extremely close relationship.  When she passed away five years ago, he was devastated. She was his biggest champion.  She was to help guide him through these teen years. There was a time I was so afraid he would not get past her death.  Well, he did, and I believe it is because she has been with him the whole time.  In 235 days, she will be right by his side as he receives his diploma. In 235 days, I will whisper, “He did it, Mom.”

We are now in our second full month of school.  We have a few more college visits planned.  Robbie has retaken the SAT and started the application process.  I thought I was doing okay.  Then last Saturday night I received an e-mail with his senior photos.  Once again, I was reminded 235 days until graduation.

#DONTBLINK